ANDESTREA: CORZON
Welcome to Corzon! Surrounded by bracken walls and populated by nefarious gowaar -- beasts that lurk within the skins of men -- Corzon offers Smiley's customers a real walk on the wild side! Ever wanted to walk inside the cage and touch danger up close? We don't waste time with bars. Reach out and touch a gowaar today! They're so fuzzy and friendly, you'll says "fangs alot!"
Join a Foster trading expedition
In their zeal to impress, other agencies promise you vacations to opulent and exotic locations -- the very places you've so quickly tired of in the past. Smiley's Last Resort recognizes the importance of broadening one's mind. Thanks to a special arrangement with sept Foster, we're happy to announce the Smiley/Foster "Real Life Tour" package -- especially tailored to those looking for something a little different.
Experience Hinsonne through the eyes of a helpless slave as your guide markets your flesh to uncaring, crazed hedonists! Earn a well-deserved two hours of sleep after a week of forced labor at the docks in Verdis! Then, leave that rowing machine behind for the real thing in Jal-Masal, where you'll be press-ganged into a ship navigating the face-whitening fallows of the Talmadge!
And we haven't even begun to describe the military brothels, sewer custodial corps, or bloody gladiator games where only those who still have their feet walk out alive. Live the life you could have had, if you had been lucky enough to be born into the lower class.
As Smiley says, this is one vacation where you'll really want to get away.
The Quaint Streets of Haza
Want to know more about the people you'd fear to meet in a dark alley? They're waiting for you here, in bright sunny Haza. ALL of them -- cutthroats, killers, bandits, even tax evaders -- collected within the walls of one small city, for your touring convenience.
In normal society, it's hard to find honest-to-goodness criminals. Normally skittish under the hot scrutiny of the law, real villains refuse to crawl out of their holes. Good thing for you, though, there's no law in Haza to impede these predators, and they roam the streets unchecked! If you ever wanted to observe these monsters within their natural habitat, unhindered by conscience or the authorities, you've come to the right place.
Smiley's Last Resort takes you right inside the cage, up close and personal. We'll drop you off in town center, where you'll no doubt enjoy a leisurely sprint to the safest rooftop you can find. (Of course, there aren't any.) Spend minute after waking minute dodging danger and daggers, all while keeping your coin purse and cartoid artery intact.
On your last days, you'll tour sept Foster's "secret" headquarters, where you'll meet the people that make Haza tick. You'll investigate dungeons, torture chambers, and bricked-up wine cellars at your own leisure.
And while you're in town, treat yourself to a nice tattoo, or perhaps an ear or spleen piercing. Heck, why stop there? Get a free appendectomy or skin-flaying while you're at it, you've earned it!
Your tour of Haza will be something to brag about back home -- if you can ever tear yourself away.
 | Legal Disclaimer: Sutures, splints, biodegradable staples, and sterile operating conditions not guaranteed. Contact your individual insurance carrier for requirements involving patient referrals. |
The Septorum
Ever wonder what happens within a gowaar court of law? Learn the secret workings of their justice system from the inside out, when you come under the scrutiny of the seven sept lords: Valdez, Aliar, Dauber, Tiburn, Dihb, Foster, and a Proteas representative. We guarantee you've never met so many important people before in your life!
Things move swiftly after you are framed for a crime dependent upon on the price you pay. Soon enough, you'll inspect the insides of the cells hidden within the mysterious Soladido Face. Within a day you'll experience the vindictiveness of the city that you have wronged. And, with the right legal representation, you'll eventually lay eyes upon the hidden sanctum of the Septorum, on your way to observing first-hand the swift and irretractable nature of gowaar justice!
"Twelve Angry Men" is nothing compared to the ire of seven gowaar lords. Being punished has never been so much fun.
| | Legal Disclaimer: While clients are permitted to commit their own crimes out of Smiley's jurisdiction, Smiley's is not responsible for punishments incurred outside proper legal channels. |
Muraya Legacia
You've never seen trees like these before. Maybe you've heard all about the wild bracket of growth surrounding Corzon's capital, but this wall of wood has to be seen to be believed. Ever since that unfortunate mishap centuries ago between Aliana and the omlédra, nothing's grown quite right around the city, and these plants refuse to take "No" for an answer.
Pesticides, step aside. Pruning? Nothing doin'! You'll never find the tools to clear away this sort of brush and bracken, which makes it a great home for faradha, foxhounds, and the larger things that eat them. For a real experience, set a fire and enjoy the fun!
Debate the Principal
Ever wish your Circle talbot was accessible, instead of off purifying himself somewhere in a pile of wet ash? Well, if you're into Onano, here's your chance to meet the head grand poobah of the faith while enjoying one of our other Corzon specials.
What? Afraid you'll make a fool of yourself? Fat chance! Just look at the three basic tenets of the gowaar faith:
- In Light, Darkness; in Darkness, Light
- In Man, Beast; In Beast, Man
- In Life, Death; in Death, Life
For you to enjoy your time with the Master of all Symmetry, we prep you -- our erstwhile traveler -- to fabricate your own. For example:
- In Tedium, Ecstasy; in Ecstasy, Tedium
- In Blindness, Sight; in Sight, Blindness
- In Peanut Butter, Chocolate; in Chocolate, Peanut Butter
Now it's your turn! Visit the principal and tie his brain into a knot as you construct up one ridiculous symmetry after another, then ask him the magical question: "If I repay someone's negative manos, does that count against me later on, or am I in the clear?"
Make sure you stand back when his head explodes.
The Wonderful World of Dihb
What does it mean when a sparrow and wolf mate and produce a great horned beast with seven crowns? How about when the moon disappears into the sea? Welcome to the wonderful world of Lord Dihb, of sept Mense, where nothing makes any sense to anyone.
Lord Dihb frequently talks in ways that defy all understanding, but that's only because he really lives in a different world than the rest of us. Smiley's can send you to that world as well, as easy as a handful of magic mushrooms and a chain-gang wielding wooden clubs. Trust us: We doubt you'll ever want to come back.
| | Limited Time Only! For an extra 20 domars, we'll make sure you fit right into the Mense sept, with their own brand of personal hygiene. Think it's conjecture that the name "Dihb" is shorthand for "Drool In His Beard"? In no time at all, you'll be having such magnificent visions that you'll never want to look at a bar of soap again. |
