ABOUT SMILEY'S LAST RESORT

Smiley's was originally founded as "Rufus MacFinney's Absolute Adventures" nineteen long years ago by manager Rufus MacDougal MacFinney. It was MacFinney's dream to build a virtual travel empire permitting common people to travel in common ways to common places, for common currency, so that he could reap a common profit. And after much hard work, long tedious hours, and meager payback, Rufus realized that dream (as well as the fact that he had become, curiously enough, quite common himself).

Now you might have noticed a brief change of ownership here at what has been renamed "Smiley's Last Resort" Travel Agency. Where's Rufus?

To be honest, we have no idea. All we know is that, when we find that miserable blaggerhead, he'll promptly be back to manage this business that he built so carefully and dearly over the years. And with his typical quotient of enthusiasm, we promise that you will be certain to find him chained here, night and day, to this very desk!

(We also know that three owl eyes and a pair of daggers never beats a royal sept flush, under anyone's rules! Of course, if Rufus had played by the rules instead of manufacturing some feeble excuse as for why pig's feet are wild, then Preston would have never lost the bet they had going, and he'd be out enjoying himself instead of being stuck here running this awfully pathetic excuse for a travel agency while the misbegotten owner goes gallivanting all over Andestrea enjoying himself... but, um, that's all another story.)

Meanwhile, "Smiley's Last Resort" is in Preston's Smiley's competent hands, and he is working hard to ensure your utter happiness and complete satisfaction with any tour package featured in our online brochure.

Would anyone like to wager a bet?

Some of you might have a question or two about travel papers. Under Rufus MacFinney's dubious management, proper documentation had been mandatory for all tours.

But Preston Smiley has an old saying: "Permits aren't worth a spotted pigfoot unless you're caught without 'em!" Smiley's strategy? Wherever Smiley's Last Resort might take you, we can guarantee that the local law will have no authority whatsoever! We swear it.

Besides, we all know what a pain travel papers can be. First we waste time drawing them up, then someone has to run them over to the capital to be approved, and finally you pay a hefty fee for some schmuck's signature at the bottom of the page. As if you couldn't just sign your own -- out in the dhukla spawning grounds or even the far reaches of the western fallows, who could tell the difference? What a joke!

We know who you are. You know who you are. Who else needs to know, unless some law gets broken or the coroner need a hand identifying the body?